Lately, I’ve been spending a lot of time home alone. After spending a large part of the pandemic literally stuck at the hip with one of my closest friends/roommate (Let’s call her R), I figured this would be a welcome change. So when I got to know R would have to go into work effective immediately, I fantasized a lot about working out of the coveted living room (you see I was confined to work out of the bedroom) and taking work calls with as few clothing items as possible (to all my co-workers, I apologize for this disturbing visual).
Things, however had a very different way of panning out, and the minute she walked out the front door, I was very aware of another presence in my room. For the first time, I stood face to face with my alter ego, Regina, all alone.
So here’s a little bit about Regina. The term was coined by R after I displayed highly unreasonable and uncharacteristic behavior on multiple occasions. Regina is rash, inappropriate, throws diplomacy and subtlety out of the window, and just is. I’m told she is hilarious to be around unless ofcourse, you are the one who has seen this personification of crazy multiple times and are designated caretaker for the rest of the evening. There is a moment just before lights out where she is sad and subdued before she fuses back into me—the typical Shalom: Mostly quiet and reflective with sporadic bursts of sarcasm and funny comments.
Here’s a quick excerpt of what that conversation looked like:
Regina: Do the smoke alarms work?
Me: I don’t know. We’ve never set them off.
Regina: So you are telling me that if the house catches fire and you are sleeping, there’s no way of knowing if the alarm will go off for sure?
Me: Why would I be sleeping at 10 am on a workday?
Regina: 😒
Me: Okay, probably not the right question. Why would the house be on fire?
Regina: Because it’s you! And unsupervised YOU always gets up to mischief.
Me: I’m not eight anymore! And tasting glue or trying to use a razor to shave a patch of leg hair do not have the same appeal anymore.
Regina: Fine then, let’s be boring. What would you rather do? And don’t say ‘work’ because we both know that’s a lie.
Me: Work!
Regina: I have a more exciting proposition
Me (Curious): Go on
Regina: How about we take a walk down that dark alley?
Me: Again, it’s 10 am. How do you propose we find a dark alley?
Regina: Stop feigning ignorance. You know what I mean.
Me (contemplating): What good can come out of it?
Regina: You poor, little thing. ‘Finding good’ was never the purpose, was it? Feeling pain was…
Regina was quickly gaining the upper hand here and before I knew it, I had travelled down Rejection Lane. We made a quick stop at Fear Square and then spent what felt like an eternity at Guilt Avenue. We then spent a few quiet moments at Grief Hollow and laid down a wreath for everything we had loved and lost. After a quick detour down Sadness Street, we were back in my living room.
Regina (Derisively): So what does the scorecard look like?
Shalom: Do the smoke alarms work?
Regina 1 – Shalom 0