On end of year ponderings

 “I can’t believe we are in the last month of the year already.” If I had a penny for every time someone said this.. well, it wouldn’t make much of a difference to me because pennies don’t do much to increase your net worth. But I’m hoping you get the drift. It’s something that I’ve heard year after year EVERY December. And while nothing seems to have changed in that regard, there’s a different tug at my heartstrings this time around, and I find myself mulling over all the missed possibilities and all the wasted time in new light.  

While on a very superficial level, COVID lost the novelty it had enjoyed last year; we were left grappling with the remnants of what it had left. A fractured economy, broken spirits trying to deal with untimely loss of loved ones and a general sense of despair which some found a subtle way of burying in smiling Insta stories. It has reshaped my views on life and meaning and doing things I’d otherwise probably shy away from, including writing a blog. But life is short and there are too many things to do, too many comfort zones to be broken down. So, here is attempt one of trying to maintain a blog. 

I feel like the year packed wisdom enough for the decade, and I’ve done a quick jot of my biggest learnings. 

1. Do things that set your soul on fire: It took me an entire evening on my brother’s balcony in a quaint little town close to Zurich to realize that everything I’d done so far was to lead me to this moment. A full glass of wine, an outstanding view of a lake and a friend by my side. It all started to make sense. 
2. It’s all about the people in your life: This year, I had newfound gratitude for the people in my life, who displayed unwavering support during my rough days and celebrated my little victories enthusiastically. I’m grateful to call these people ‘family’ and ‘friends’ and beginning to realize that this in itself, is a privilege.  
3. Let go of what is not yours: Probably the most challenging lesson in there. I’ve always equated letting go with loss. Which is probably why it has made ‘letting go’ all the more harder. I’ve worn the past as an armor, but it has only weighed me down from enjoying the present. I’m also learning to let go of people and relationships that do not enrich my life. 
4. Make sure you have your veggies: I cannot stress the importance of this and how this has made life better for me.
5. Indecisiveness is a decision in itself: There were numerous instances where I questioned my self-worth in the last year. I’ve learnt that if someone wants to be a part of your life, then they will make an effort to let you know. I settled for far too many ‘I don’t knows’ and ‘I’m not sures’, until I started to walk. As predictable as clockwork, I walked alone and two things became abundantly clear: 1. Never settle for anything less than certainty 2. I was on track to becoming a stronger version of myself. 

I’m penning this at a very hazy part of my life, so I apologize if this is a bit out of sorts and maybe even a bit uncharacteristic of me if you know me. But writing has always helped me feel as though I’m resurrecting parts of me that have long forgotten how to function and breathing new life into them. Thank you for sticking with me till the end of my very first ramble. I sure do hope to get better at this next year.