About 10 months ago, I unwittingly embarked on a journey of becoming a doggy mama to a pint-sized Chihuahua-Poodle cross puppy. What was supposed to be a fun, commitment-free visit to an animal shelter, quickly evolved into a rather consequential affair when my roommate R, decided to adopt one little fellow who crawled into her arms and drifted away to sleep. One look at her face and I knew we were done for and taking him home.
I remember the next half hour being extremely chaotic with the pet-adoption lady bombarding us with an overwhelming amount of information. She took us through the adoption process, how much it would cost for his vaccines, passport and micro-chipping, what his dietary preferences were and where we could get pet supplies for the night. The question that overwhelmed me the most was, ‘Whose name shall I put as ‘guardian’ on his passport?’
Without a second thought and before anybody had time to think I’d shouted my roommate’s name and added to the canine cacophony that is often found in animal shelters. The birth certificate guardian name seemed a little bit less intimidating and we both gave our names. The result? He was christened ‘Brooklyn Aarons Thapa’ as per his birth certificate.
While the adoption formalities were being completed, I remember asking R if she was ready for this. ‘This is a 15-year commitment and I don’t know how much responsibility I can take. Are you ready for this? There’s no question of giving him up later, come what may.’ Clearly, I didn’t make the enormity of her decision intimidating enough because R just said, ‘I understand, I’m sure.’
That drive back home, with B on my lap, I had a million thoughts in my mind. I knew I’d be the primary care giver, given I mostly worked from home. But I had no idea how to take responsibility for myself, let alone a totally dependent living being. The first day I was supposed to look after him I was super clueless and had a coworker who had prior experience in living with a pet to come and work with me.
Fast forward through what feels like a gazillion poop pickups, a bunch of chewed-up mats, and countless walks, here’s what I’ve learned:
1.You will never pee alone: Privacy? What’s that? The faster you get used to his little snout pushing through the door and his beady eyes looking at you right while you go, the better.
2.The things you frowned upon? You do them now! I remember being judgmental about pet parents who spoke in baby voices and called their dogs, ‘their son/daughter.’ I remember thinking, ‘I understand you love them, but really?? Son??’ And here I am a mere 10 months into the dog mama club and doing these things already. Guilty as charged!
3.Life seems better: Probably my most valuable learning. There’s nothing that slow-waltzing in the hall with your dog tucked in your arms can’t solve. There’s something very comforting about how he comes and sleeps with his back pressed against mine.
4.You will make mistakes: I remember the first time Brooklyn snagged a bar of chocolate that I’d carelessly left lying around, I went into an absolute frenzy. When he started coughing as they often do when their airways are blocked, I was convinced that I’d really screwed up and made a frantic call to R, telling her we had to rush him to the vet. But he was alright in a few minutes. I remember another instance where we’d stepped out for about 2 hours and came back home to find B ‘missing.’ After checking weird places (cupboard, kitchen drawers, shoe cabinet) I was convinced that Brooklyn had been abducted. R laughed at my theory, calmly walked into the bathroom and got a very frazzled B out. He’d somehow managed to open the bathroom door and lock himself in.
5.You will be making compromises: The flip side of living with a pet is this. You will probably have to turn down many last-minute plans that involve being outdoors for long. Simply because it does not give you enough time to get hold of a reliable pet-sitter. There is not much scope for spontaneous, last minute detours because that would mean leaving your furry buddy unaccompanied for longer than you intended. Vacations need to be meticulously planned in advance and in sync with your pet sitter’s schedule.
6.Those compromises you make will absolutely be worth it: Here’s the thing about point 5 though. You don’t feel like you are ‘giving up’ something to stay at home and be with your pet. It is something you ‘want’ to do. On days where you don’t think highly of yourself, he will be there to shove his little face between your knees. He will bring his half-torn chew toy, his prized possession and try to engage you in a game of ‘fetch.’ You will find a love within yourself that you didn’t know you possessed for this silly, goofy four legged being and in that moment, even if just for a few seconds, the world is perfect.
I went for nearly 30 years of my life, without experiencing the love and joy a pet could bring. It’s always seemed like too much responsibility, too much commitment. Yet today, I can’t imagine my life without him. I definitely prefer his company over most people’s and would go to great lengths to ensure his happiness and comfort. (Including helping him through on his ‘stubborn poop’ days.
Brooklyn came at a time where I was grieving and self-care seemed like an insurmountable feat. In being thrown in the deep end and being responsible for another life, I somehow found meaning and purpose in my own life. In the midst of this journey that started off as mere obligation, an unwavering truth materialized: To look after another, you must cherish and look after your own self first. Perhaps that has been the most valuable takeaway from this experience.